I read a book a while ago about knowing your love language & your spouses. It gave me invaluable advice about how to go out of my comfort zone and love somebody the way they wanted to be loved.
Here's a quick rundown of the love languages:
Quality time- You feel most loved when you are spending one-on-one distraction-free time with someone
Words of Affirmation- You feel most loved when you are edified through someone's words
Physical Touch- You feel most loved when someone touches you or holds you close
Acts of Service- You feel most loved when someone does something for you or to help you
Gifts- You feel most loved when someone gives you something as a token of their love
The idea was mainly that many times there can be frustration in relationships because everyone naturally loves in the way they liked to be loved, but your significant other might want to be loved in a different way. The book encourages you to love another person in their own language.
When we originally took this, I scored highest on gifts with words of affirmation and quality time tied for second. Acts of service was my lowest. I realized the truth in it. I do love receiving gifts. I love it when someone thinks of me throughout their day so much they can't help but bring something home for me. Ryan scored highest on words of affirmation and I think I definitely knew this deep down. It all made sense.
Then we had kids. And I feel like along with a whole slew of other things, my love language changed. I feel like gifts, though still welcome, meant nothing compared to the help I so desperately wanted. My lowest score, acts of service, became my highest. I feel most loved when someone helps me, cleans something for me, watches my kids, takes my car in for an oil change whatever.
& I was thinking about that change and I think it stemmed from a realization that I really can't do it all. That's the greatest and most humbling hing about motherhood. You can't be everything you need to be. You can't do everything well. Motherhood literally puts you in a place where you have to rely on others for help. & when another person is willing to meet you in the chaos of it, understand you, not judge you or see you as a mess, but simply just offering a helping hand, well you feel a little less like you're downing. You feel a little more inspired to help others. And you definitely feel loved. At least I do.
What's your love language?