My Spouse Isn't Suited for ADHD


I remember one of the first pieces of literature I was handed about ADHD post my diagnosis was information about relationships. The article discussed how the hardships for people with ADHD can create turmoil in relationships. The article then highlighted the importance for someone with ADHD to marry a person is would be well-suited to handle their (at times) shortcomings. The article described this person as "someone is organized and does not mind being the organizer".

My husband is not this person. Not even close.

A million thoughts started to race through my mind, thinking about whether Ryan was even able to freely say yes to me without full knowledge of who I was, nervousness that maybe we would have been better off with other people, maybe he would be happier with someone else, maybe someone else would have been better for me, on and on and on. You get it.

Once my mind took a breather I started to really rationalize through it and quickly categorized the above as irrational anxiety. But what I was left with was a very real point. My ADHD is not immediately compatible with Ryan's personality strengths. So I thought for a while about how we could make plans together and systems for accountability so we could be more organized as a whole family. I thought this should help.

The next day Ry came home from work. I remembered I had not-too-long-ago put a water bottle in the freezer to make it cooler faster for me. I ran to the freezer, pulled it out.

"DANG IT" I yelled. "Not again!". Ryan walked over to me and asked what was wrong. 

I told him how I got thirsty (again), wanted cold water, put the water bottle in the freezer to make it colder faster, then forgot about it and now it was a solid block of ice. Ryan had witnessed me do this at least 5 times a week, every week for months. 

He gave me a hug. "I'm sorry, sweetie," he comforted me as he laughed. 
I started to laugh, "I can't ever remember! This always happens to me."
He said, "I know" and then we both held each other and laughed at the absurdity of the whole thing.

It was then I realized that maybe I don't have a super organized husband. Maybe he'll never feel comfortable taking that Type A leadership role in the relationship. But he will always 100% support me. He will always hold me. And he will never be afraid to laugh with me. He is the tonic I need.

He could have shamed me. He could have been unsympathetic. He could have rolled his eyes or shrugged it off. But he's there for me in these smallest moments that always add up to the real stuff that matters anyway.


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