I Had a Donut & Other Confessions of the Whole 30
So yesterday morning I had a donut. That's right, I said it.
It was totally against my will. I was innocently walking down the street when a passerby came running towards me and stuffed the donut right down my throat. I had no choice but to swallow it. I had no choice but to chew it. I had no choice but to delicately and methodically taste each ounce and molecule of that donut. & I found it to be glorious.
Of course this is a metaphor. You may be wondering "why would she start this post with an untrue hyperbolic metaphor?" Well, it's not just any metaphor. It's a freaking awesome metaphor because it's kind of true--"kind of" in the sense of not really at all and "true" in the sense that it's exactly how powerless I felt.
I woke up early yesterday morning and I felt that familiar feeling of disappointment like when I file my taxes with H & R block and they originally guess that my return will be 5k but then as I continue filling it out, it turns out my return is nothing. Yes, that level disappointment. I'm disappointed because I chose to stay up late watching some mediocre Netflix original series last night with Ryan and we didn't get to bed until 1AM. Disappointed because C & A woke up three times to feed and a handful more times than that, seemingly just for the amusement of having us exit our sleep, leave our room and give them a greeting of hushes and tired eyes. Disappointed because it was 7:30AM and they usually sleep an hour later.
I muscled through the disappointment like the champion I am. I got up, changed the girls and started playing with them. I thought "I got this" with the confidence of a Girl Scout who is selling assorted nuts but asks if people are interested in cookies first to get them to say yes. I played with them. I washed the dishes. I fed them, changed them and did a load of laundry.
Clairvaux and Adelaide started to get sleepy and I looked at the clock. Only an hour had gone by. Eight more hours until my husband comes home and helps-- "I can't do this" I thought with the insecurity of a used car salesman who won't stop calling it a pre-owned vehicle.
"I'll just have coffee". It's technically allowed in the rules. I had been avoiding because it's too hard to not have the cream and sugar. But I was SO exhausted. My friend was coming over and offered to pick up coffee along the way. All the planets aligned perfectly for the first time in the universe's history. I was getting my coffee.
Then came the text that changed everything "I can just go through the drive-through at Dunkin Donuts". I quickly texted back asking for an iced coffee when I just couldn't help it, I put in the request for the glazed donut too. She arrived at my house. I politely thanked her and devoured it like only a person deprived of sweets does. It was a truly moving experience. I choked up. Not really, but it was the kind of amazing moment when you feel a cosmic shift happening in the universe. I had done the right thing. I knew it.
I completely rocked the rest of the day. It was awesome.
I know what some of you are thinking. "Well then Amy, you didn't really do the Whole30, did you?"
& you're right. I guess not. But the Whole29 and a donut is so much more wonderful I might just start my own diet regime.
In all seriousness though, this is the beauty of trying to grow. Sometimes, you don't live up to the lofty expectations you set for yourself. & that's okay. Take a deep breath. Write a sarcastic blog. & eat a healthy dinner. That's what I did. I'm ready to start the day again tomorrow adhering to the rules again.